And it begins…
I am repulsed.
Sometimes I like to Google things just to see what happens. I was once dared to Google, “Google.” It was a frightful moment when I thought for sure I would break the internets and the world would collapse in upon itself. Just to give you comfort, nothing particularly spectacular happens when you Google, “Google.” You just get a lot of Googley results (about 1.8 Billion Googley responses). Speaking of Google, I read in Discover magazine that Google is used 67% of the time, followed by Yahoo which comes in around 13%, and then a breakup of the remainders, most notably, MSN/Bing at 2%. FYI, I think Bing is utter shit. Sorry, Bingers.
Today, I took the search term, “Blog.” Why? I don’t know. Curious, I guess. Everyone is blogging these days and I wondered how many bloggers blog about blogging. You know what? Kanye-muther-fuckin’ West’s blog came up on the first page. Serious? Am I to believe, given the intricacies of the Google Spider and robots, that KANYE WEST is providing something that say, CNN is not? Who is this fucker’s SEO Agent? Kanye West is a twat. I have no interest in anything this douchesack has to offer. Why are people reading whether he thinks Beyonce is better than some little country girl? I thought we were all done with him. Maybe it’s the passionate distaste we all have for him that is giving him such high Google returns?
Listen to me when I say this: When you read something on the internets, Google is watching you…like G-d Himself. Google doesn’t really give two shits who you are, but it certainly cares whether you’re reading Kanye’s blog. And you Kanye readers are bumping that guy up in SEO. Don’t give this man more than he deserves. He’s an idiot. I could be wrong, but I actually think that dude is a self-proclaimed “genius.” You know what I call self-proclaimed geniuses? Deluded Narcissists.
Despite where you think I might be going with this post, I am not actually going to even attempt to bump Kanye in the results polling. I can honestly admit that I have no chance. To be frank, I would actually HATE to be on the first page of the results for “blog.” I am unworthy, as is he. It should be reserved for legitimate blog servers like Blogger or Wordpress. Maybe toss in some good news sources. Google’s own blog is on there, as it should be. Of course, their SEO team is the best of the best, and they deserve all the credit in the world. But Kanye? Really? Fuck man, even the White House blog comes after Kanye. THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE!
kanye west wins the internets
The Apocalypse is upon us, friends. Better go buy some Spam and canned beets. We’ll be living in holes underground within the week.
“When you read something on the internets, Google is watching you…like G-d Herself.”
…I fixed it for you. You’re welcome.
Hahaha…Yes. Thank you, sir. I do love you so.
Great article, hey I stumbled on to this story while surfing for lyric updates. Thanks for sharing I’ll email my friends about this too.