Well, that’s a buncha BS...

I got rear ended the other day…and not in the good way. My car is wrecked , my back and neck are all achy, and I am pissed as all hell. How you gonna slam into me at 35 miles an hour…while I am STOPPED AT A FUCKING RED LIGHT?  Thanks lady, ya made my day.  Actually, besides that, it wasn’t a terrible day.  I mean, I got to get my head strapped to a board and ride in an ambulance!  Who doesn’t love that kinda good time?  Oh…and the X-Rays?  C’mon!  Let me stand here in this freezing ass cold room with nothing but a sheet on to...

Weird Dreams...

I left myself a note in my sleepy stupor.  It says: Chained to the Arch with midgets.  White Volvo was fixed like you would fix a shoe.  Blow in their face…haha…Good one. I have no idea what any of that means.  I’ve been suffering with insomnia for weeks and have been needing to take Ambien to get any rest at all.  Perhaps it is fucking with my head? Anyways, I apologize for my lack of postage.  I started a new job (a real live JOB!), and with the house being built, Seth in baseball, and spending every possible moment with Jason, I’ve been...

A Letter is Coming!...

It is way too fucking early in the morning for me to be messing around on here.  I’m liable to say regrettable shit.  BUT…if I don’t jot this down now, I will later forget, and the world will not be the better place it is destined to be because of my coming letter. Arby’s is getting a letter.  That’s right, kids.  A LETTER!  I bet you’re all just so excited. For those of you who have no clue what I am talking about…I like to write complaint letters to companies.  It’s good fun.  Come back and read it. Nevertheless, I...

Shady People...

I would like to have a showdown with all the shady computer techs out there.  And while I am at it, let me provide you a little advice. Today, I went to install a software program for a family member on their 3 year old computer.  The family member informed me that this same computer had just come out of the “shop.” Me:  ”The shop?  What was wrong with it?” FM: “I don’t really know.  The guy said it had a virus or something.” Me: “Well, what was wrong with it?” FM:  ”It kept crashing.  And even now, it...

The Graffiti Wall...

My genius idea of the week  (I cannot take all the credit on this one, as Lori was actually the one to suggest the idea, and it evolved from there): So, you may or may not know this, but I am in the process of building my own home.  At this time, the framing is almost complete and my roofer starts Monday.  Very soon, the electrical and plumbing go in, and alas, the drywall will start going up.  I’m really looking forward to the drywall. I’ve got this plan for my bathroom.  And it is what one might call “paramount cool.”  That is, of course, if...

Sinbad…yes, the comedian...

I am supposed to be writing down my dreams, because according to Jason, they are not “normal.”  For instance, I woke up from a dream a few weeks ago, turned to him and said, “It was a big, ugly, mean fish…with fangs and legs.”  Ever since then, I’ve been asked to keep track. Last night I dreamed of Sinbad, the comedian.  He was driving this really cool old BMW that looked sort of like an El Camino.  Some guy parked a truck next to it, but perhaps a bit too close and ended up doing a pretty substantial amount of damage to the BMW...

Topics...

Hey all! I need you to send me suggestions on what to write.  Back in my old blogging days, the LETTERS were real popular, so I’ll be bringing those back.  I’ve got one in the works now.  Somewhere I actually think I still have “The Bread Letter,” which was a classic.  If I can find it, I’ll repost it.  In the meantime, go ahead and use my contact page to send me requests.  No worries…it’s confidential. I would like to say that I won’t be doing any political blogging.  I used to do it a lot and I figured something out....

Holy Sweetness...

Ok.  I’m sorry for this line of sap you’re about to swallow (and no doubt regurgitate) but I just gotta say this: I came home today to flowers being delivered.  They are ProFlowers, so I honestly couldn’t even imagine who they could be from.  You can be anywhere in the world, pay an arm and a leg, and have them delivered to me.  So, I was like, “cool!  Flowers!”  If you’re unfamiliar with ProFlowers, let me tell you how cool these things are:  They come from California and are not in bloom.  They are cut per the order, then...

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The Downfall of Society...

The world is crashing around us.  The Revolution is Coming. The other day, some dredge member of society stole my fathers mountain bike right out of the back of his truck.  Let’s analyze the problems with this: 1) My dad lives his life bettering his community.  To steal from him is the antithesis of what is right and just. 2) Stealing is shit.  People who do it face karmic retribution. 3) It’s MY dad.  If there is anyone you don’t want to fuck with, it’s my family.  I will make you pay.  You’ll be sorry for fucking with me. Call me an...